


No one Quite Knows the Reason...

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Christmas, Fluff, M/M, Nonsense, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:59:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8816071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: Die had been talking about this Christmas party he was hosting almost non-stop for the past two weeks, and they’d all agreed to attend ages ago. Now the big night was tomorrow and he wasn’t about to let any of them forget it. “And how about you, Kyo?”	Kyo stood against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He gave a disdainful snort and Die almost winced, immediately regretting asking him.        But maybe his mind could be changed if he knew what the holiday really meant to Die...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Dir en grey or profit from this in any way.  
> I fully acknowledge that this story is a lot of ridiculousness and nonsense, but hey man, Christmas fluff, I'm all about that kind of thing.  
> Hope everyone is having a good start to their holidays. I'll hopefully be posting a couple more season-appropriate fics in the next couple weeks. Everyone, enjoy, and please comment if you liked it, love to y'all!  
> (ps don't judge me on who all I mention being at Die's party, this is not my area of expertise, just bear with me, kay)

“You’re all going to be there, right?” Die said, for the hundredth time, gesturing around the room at each of his bandmates. 

“Yes, we already said we’d be there!” Toshiya said, rolling his eyes. Die had been talking almost non-stop about this Christmas party he was hosting for the past two weeks, and they’d all agreed to attend ages ago. Now the big night was tomorrow and he wasn’t about to let any of them forget it.

“And you’ll come early to help set up?” Die said, zipping his backpack.

“Now hold on,” Kaoru said. “I’ve got to draw the line somewhere. I will be in attendance, but I’m not showing up early with snacks or something. Sorry, just not my thing.”

Die pursed his lips, but didn’t argue. He was honestly pleased that Kaoru would be coming at all and didn’t want to do anything to change his mind. “I’ll see you tomorrow night then!”

Kaoru nodded and thanked everyone for their hard work during today’s rehearsal, and then he was headed out the door.

Shinya was putting a few papers into a clear file and putting it into his shoulder bag. “I can set up,” He said. “And were you getting food from that same place again, the one near my apartment? I can pick it up on the way over if you want.”

“I’ll come with him,” Toshiya said. “I can bring cups, napkins, utensils, that kind of thing.”

Die grinned. “Great! You guys are awesome, thank you, I’ll be counting on you then.” He pulled his sunglasses out of his bag and put them on, pushing them up on top of his head. “And how about you, Kyo?”

Kyo had already packed up his things and was standing against the wall watching the conversation with his arms crossed over his chest. He gave a disdainful snort when Die addressed him.

Die almost winced, immediately regretting asking Kyo. He knew the vocalist wasn’t big on this holiday and maybe he should have just left him out of it.

“I don’t see why you’re so excited about having a Christmas party anyway,” Kyo said. “Like here’s yet _another_ western holiday celebrating _Jesus_ , why do they need more than one? Or some people celebrate who aren’t Christian, though I couldn’t tell you why…”

Shinya opened his mouth to correct Kyo about the roots of the holiday, but Toshiya smacked him lightly on the arm, giving him a look that clearly said, _Do you seriously want to get into this with him?_

“And then isn’t the whole thing too commercialized?” Kyo went on. “It’s just an excuse for us all to be conned into buying more things, making people who can’t afford it feel worse, or their kids feel less loved because they can’t understand why they’re not getting as much! We don’t need more opportunities for the media to try to brainwash us into thinking this or that is popular and therefore good and anything else is a waste of time—we should be discovering for ourselves what’s important and not being force-fed this concoction of Christian-built imagery and materialistic bullshit!”

When he finished everyone was quiet for an awkward moment. Die had gotten lost somewhere in the middle of what he was saying, but none of it surprised him; that was just how Kyo was, and probably it was for the best that he wouldn’t come to his party.

Shinya finished putting things into his bag and slung it across his body, muttering something to Toshiya about Kyo being a “grinch” as he made his way to the door. Toshiya laughed and waved to Die, reiterating that they’d be there tomorrow before following Shinya.

“I’m not a grinch!” Kyo shouted after them. He scowled as he hoisted his backpack over his shoulder. “Do you think I’m a grinch, Die?”

Die considered him for a moment as he put on his own backpack and held the door open for Kyo to walk through it. Finally he shook his head. “No, I don’t. You heart’s too big.”

Kyo knew the character, but wasn’t overly familiar with the mythology of it and looked at Die, nonplussed. “Ha? My heart?”

Die locked the door behind him and started walking towards the elevators. “That’s supposed to be the reason why the Grinch was so awful and ruining Christmas for everyone, his heart was two sizes too small.”

“Oh,” Kyo said. “And you think my heart isn’t two sizes too small?”

“Nah,” Die said. “You may be small, but your heart isn’t. Are you kidding? You’re passionate about so many things and you love so hard, even if you try to hide it it’s obvious.”

Kyo stepped into the elevator as it arrived and looked down at his shoes, his face partly hidden by his hair. “Hm.”

Die followed Kyo into the elevator, smirking. He’d suspected for a while now that Kyo might have a bit of a thing for him and this reaction only furthered his suspicions, though he knew it'd never go anywhere.

When the elevator got to the lobby of the building, Kyo cleared his throat before exiting. “I can come early tomorrow, if you want. What should I bring?” He muttered.

Die grinned. “How about beer then?”

Kyo rolled his eyes a little but agreed, giving a slightly awkward wave before heading across the lobby to the street. Die went the other way, to the back of the lobby and the parking garage.

As Die got into his car, he ran mentally over the list of things he still needed to get done before the party. With the others helping the main thing he still needed to worry about was decorations, which was something he found easiest and most satisfying anyway. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he pulled out of the garage and started driving home, thinking about Kyo agreeing to come help out. He’d honestly expected Kyo to back out of coming at all and had prepared himself for that reality. Of course he wanted him to be there; he pretty much always wanted Kyo around. Even if he wasn’t directly interacting with him, just Kyo’s energy in the room made Die feel better, livelier, more allowed to be himself. Knowing that Kyo would be at his party tomorrow made it feel like it had already been a success, Santa had come early, and everything was perfect. He let himself bask in the giddiness the rest of the evening, as he stapled red and silver garlands all over his living room, blasting obnoxious Christmas music until he thought his neighbors might complain. Even if they did, there was nothing that could dampen his holiday spirits.

 

Die spent most of the next day cleaning his apartment and rearranging furniture. He set up a card table next to the counter for most of the snacks, he’d dug a couple of coolers out of the depths of his closet to keep drinks cold, and he had just gotten back from a trip to the store for ice when there was a knock at his door.

“Nice timing!” Die said, letting Toshiya and Shinya in. He showed them where to set everything down and assigned them tasks, putting Toshiya in charge of getting music set up, and having Shinya lay out the food he’d brought from the caterers’, while he himself went around making sure all the strings of Christmas lights were hooked up and switched on.

“How many people are you expecting?” Shinya asked as he put a stack of napkins on the card table next to the fruit platter he’d set down. 

“Not more than twenty,” Die said, pursing his lips. “It’s a busy time for people; I’m surprised as many folks agreed to come as did!” He added a few strings of tinsel to his tree and stepped back considering it.

Toshiya looked at the clock, having set the music playing on a mellow holiday-themed playlist that he thought should last the duration of the party. “And people are supposed to be getting here in like thirty minutes?”

“More or less,” Die said. He tried not to frown, all too aware that Kyo hadn’t even texted to say he was running late.

As if he could read his thoughts, Toshiya said, “Kyo opted not to come, huh?”

“I don’t know,” Die mumbled, stowing the extra tinsel in a storage container in the hall closet. “He said he was coming…”

“Then he’ll be here,” Shinya said. “If he said he was coming, then he’ll come.”

Die nodded, although he still didn’t feel totally reassured. He busied himself situating some Santa Hats over various items in the living room; one on a lampshade, another over a picture frame on the bookcase, one on the little statue of a dog that Shinya had given him a few Christmases ago. Only a few minutes passed before they heard a loud and sudden thud from the hall outside the apartment, along with some cursing. They exchanged glances and then Shinya, being closest to the front door, went to open it and look out.

Kyo was a few yards down the hall, keeping one case of beer pinned precariously to the wall with his thigh while he tried not to drop three others he was holding in his hands and under one arm. He was obviously stuck. Shinya observed him with his head tilted, finding the picture rather amusing.

Kyo glared at Shinya as he stayed motionless in the doorway. “Ho ho ho, I come bearing gifts,” he said grumpily. “Were you going to maybe come over and give me a hand here or just stare?”

Shinya came quickly to help then, grabbing the case of beer Kyo had been holding with his leg and waiting for him to start walking again. “You know you didn’t have to try to bring all this up in one trip, right?” Shinya said, reaching Die’s front door and opening it. “Or you could have asked someone to come help you carry.”

Kyo grunted, sort of clumsily toeing his shoes off and kicking them aside as he entered the apartment. “I was in a hurry. I almost made it anyway.”

Die couldn’t help the way his face lit up when he saw Kyo coming in the door and he rushed to help him with the beer. “You came! I thought you might have changed your mind.”

Kyo let Die take two of the cases of beer from him and followed him and Shinya to the kitchen with the last one. “I actually got kind of lost. I haven’t been to your apartment before; I had to call Kaoru and get directions.”

“Oh!” Die opened one of the containers of beer and started filling one of the coolers. “You could have asked me.”

“I figured you’d be busy,” Kyo shrugged. He looked at Die properly for the first time since coming in and his eyes widened a bit as he took in the sight of him in tight-fitting slacks with a suit-jacket over his t-shirt, his hair pulled half back and curling around his shoulders. “Oh, um, I’m underdressed,” he said, looking down at his slightly oversized cable-knit sweater and black skinny jeans.

Die flashed him a smile. “You look great, what are you talking about?” He stacked the rest of the beer under the food table and pushed the cooler back against the wall. 

Shinya rolled his eyes and went back into the living room where Toshiya was fussing with the bass level on Die’s stereo.

“I didn’t know what to wear; I couldn’t get a good idea of what kind of party it was going to be,” Kyo said, frowning.

Die couldn’t really understand why Kyo seemed to be acting so shy and awkward. He knew the vocalist often struggled socially with large groups or new people, but the party hadn’t started yet and it wasn’t like he was a stranger. “Well, it’s not like it’s a big deal, and you always look good anyway.” He headed back to the living room, looking around to see if he needed to make any last minute adjustments before guests started arriving.

Kyo followed him, for lack of anything else to do. “I really don’t,” he argued, but then he just went and sat sulkily on the couch, not apparently wanting to continue the conversation.

Die decided to just let it go since he had to be ready to play host soon anyway and went to rearrange the shoes in the genkan to be more out of the way.

 

An hour later Die’s apartment was filled with people, everyone happily chatting and eating, bright holiday melodies filling the air, with more bass than one might have expected. Everyone complimented the decorations, especially the tree, which was more majestic than Christmas trees that they usually saw, and which was legitimized by the gifts arranged under it. Die was thrilled to entertain, bouncing around, offering drinks, cracking jokes, and making sure everyone was enjoying themselves.

Nearly everyone was. Then there was Kyo, who still hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch, and was watching everyone else in near silence, only making polite conversation when it was forced upon him. Shinya had given up trying to get him to join in more and was instead engaged in a conversation with Ayasa about applying classical music techniques to rock music, while Kaoru stood by rolling his eyes and muttering comments under his breath.

Eventually Die came and perched on the arm of the couch next to Kyo, nudging his shoulder. “Hey. You okay?”

“I’m fine, yeah,” Kyo shrugged, glancing up.

“You didn’t have to come if you really didn’t want to,” Die said.

Kyo looked almost hurt. “What, to your party?”

“Yeah,” Die said, sliding off the couch and moving towards the kitchen, walking backwards. “I mean it’s pretty obvious you’re having a miserable time, I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

“I’m not! I’m—I’m sorry,” Kyo had to jump up to follow Die so he could keep talking. “I’m sorry I’m bringing your party down. I wanted to come; I know how excited you were about it.”

“You’re not bringing it down,” Die said, kneeling next to the drink coolers. “I just don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to be here if you’re really not enjoying yourself. What can I get you to drink?”

Kyo waved a hand. “Nothing, it’s fine, I don’t drink.”

Die raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, I know, and if you actually thought about the question I was asking you maybe you’d realize that. How long have I known you and you think I don’t know you don’t drink?”

Kyo looked rather embarrassed then. “Oh, I just figured… party and everything…”

“But I knew you were supposed to come, not to mention probably a reasonable number of designated drivers.” Die shook his head. “You really don’t go to parties often, do you?”

“Not when I can help it.”

Die smiled and started to dig through the cooler of non-alcoholic beverages. “All right, we’ve got Mets Cola, cider, green tea, C.C. Lemon…” He looked up at Kyo questioningly.

“What’s most… traditional?” Kyo asked uncertainly. “For Christmas and everything.”

“Hmm, cider might be,” Die said, laughing a little.

Kyo made a face. “Cider, like mitsuya or like… booze…?”

“Neither!” Die pulled the bottle out of the cooler and stood, moving to the counter and taking two glasses out of the cupboard overhead. “It’s like sparkling apple juice, basically.” He got the bottle open and poured a glass for Kyo and one for himself.

Kyo took his glass with a small “thank you” and lifted it to clink against Die’s before taking a sip and making an appreciative noise.

“It’s good, right?” Die said. He left the bottle on the counter and started walking back towards the bustling living room, hoping Kyo would keep following him.

Kyo trailed after the redhead, nodding. “I don’t know what I expected it to be like, but it’s better than that.”

“I guess sometimes it pays to try new things,” Die said, and then he was being insistently pulled into a cluster of people all demanding that he recount some anecdote or another, and when he looked back over his shoulder for Kyo he was nowhere to be seen. His heart sank, but he shoved a grin back onto his face as he turned to face the group and did as they asked.

He didn’t see Kyo again for the next hour and a half and was pretty sure he had left without even saying goodbye. A few people had already started going home, not wanting to get caught in some Christmas Eve traffic, and he supposed Kyo must have done the same, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt that he hadn’t even said he was heading out.

Die waved to Sugizo as he was leaving, thanking him for coming, and then went to grab a beer. His Christmas spirit was flickering slightly, and he knew it was just because he was letting Kyo affect his happiness too much. Whether Kyo came to his parties or had a good time never used to matter to him like this, but as he settled onto a barstool against the living room wall, he had to admit that things had changed. His feelings for Kyo had changed and whether he liked it or not, now it did matter. 

Just then, the sliding door to his balcony opened and a few people came in, laughing about something or other. Die looked up to see one of his sisters pulling the door closed again, talking animatedly with none other than Kyo, who was facing away from him but clearly laughing. Immediately he felt warmer, despite the fact that the door opening had let in a huge rush of cold air from outside. He smiled back down at his beer and then turned his attention to Toshiya trying to get a couple of his DECAYS bandmates to dance with him to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

It wasn’t much later that he sensed more than saw or heard Kyo’s presence next to him, and looked over to see the smaller man leaning against the wall, thumbs hooked in his jeans pockets. 

There was a comfortable silence between them before Kyo quietly offered, “I’m sorry I went off like that yesterday, about Christmas and everything.”

Die snorted. “I know, you’re just like that.”

“It’s important to you though, and I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was gonna hate your party.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Die said. He paused and then went on, “I was just worried you’d gone home.”

Kyo looked at him then, eyebrows raised. “Just now? No, no! I wouldn’t leave without saying anything, that’d be kind of asshole-ish, wouldn’t it? I was just out on the balcony for a while. Your sister’s really funny.” He smirked. “Must run in the family.”

“I guess so,” Die laughed. “I’m glad, I thought maybe the Christmas of it all had really scared you off.”

Kyo frowned. “It’s not… I just still don’t really get why you’re into it. Something that celebrates materialism and the whole unquestioning Jesus culture…”

“That’s not what it’s about for a lot of people,” Die said, shaking his head. “Certainly not for me. I guess initially I always liked Christmas because it was so soon after my birthday. It felt like an extra party for me, you know? Daisuke’s birthday part 2!” He paused, turning the beer bottle in his hands, thinking. “But it’s more than that now, it’s a feeling, it’s the atmosphere.”

“Not just an excuse to party?”

“Like I need an excuse? Kyo, it’s like the Grinch, right? Do you not remember the story?”

Kyo flushed a little at having the Dr. Seuss fable brought up to him for the second time in as many days, feeling strangely inadequate for his lack of expertise in this area.

“The Whos didn’t care about all the material stuff in the end; the grinch just _thought_ they would. In the end it was about being together and singing, the music, the family. That’s what matters.” Die looked at Kyo, almost sadly. “It’s about being close to the people you love. We give gifts to _show_ that love, to demonstrate something that’s true every day. And everything at Christmas is _more_ than it is the rest of the year. Something about the season just intensifies everything, sad things are sadder, loss is felt more… pointedly.”

Kyo just watched Die, listening, a curious look in his eyes.

“And yet, there’s this sense of hope and possibility. A chance to do something for those who go without, a reminder to be our best selves throughout the year.” Die ran his fingers through the part of his hair that was down. “There’s magic at Christmas, Kyo. Not cartoon magic, like Santa and Rudolph and all that, but the magic we make for each other. The real kind.” He shook his head again. “I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

“It does,” Kyo said softly. He stared at Die for a moment longer, feeling like he’d truly learned something about him. 

Over by the TV, Toshiya had transitioned to trying to get Die’s video game console hooked up, struggling with it a bit due to his level of intoxication. A couple other people were trying to help, bickering rather comically over input and output cables and who was using which game controller. Suddenly Kyo pushed away from the wall and strutted over to the scene, grabbing up a Santa hat from the nearby lamp along the way and jamming it on his head. “All right, fuckers, move out of the way, let me show you how to play this one.” He pushed Toshiya aside and finished setting up the game, claiming the Player 1 controller for himself.

Die watched in amusement, especially as it became clear that Kyo had no idea how to play the game and was losing repeatedly and dramatically, though his confident enthusiasm only grew in volume the worse he was doing. Die didn’t even try keep the smile off his face.

As it got later, more people were leaving. Kaoru came over and thanked Die for the party, complimenting his home, and reminding him to be on time on Monday before he made his way to the genkan. Die walked him to the door and offered him a one-armed hug as he told him to be safe getting home. Closing the door after him, he went back to sit on the couch and keep watching the video game players.

Shinya leaned over the back of the couch to talk to him and followed his gaze to Kyo in a Santa hat, losing at Mario Kart. “Well, well, looks like someone’s heart has grown a few sizes, doesn’t it?”

Die looked up at Shinya. “He’s always had a big heart. I think he just… gets it more now.”

Shinya snorted. “I guess he’ll make that effort for you.”

“He’d make it for any of us,” Die said, only half-listening.

Shinya studied Die for a while, taking in the look on his face as he watched Kyo trying unnecessarily to steer with his whole body and still crashing into a railing in the game. Finally he said quietly, “Die, why don’t you tell him how you feel about him?”

“What?” Die turned his attention back to Shinya, but couldn’t act really surprised. Shinya always had a way of reading people. “I guess… I don’t need to. I’m fine with things as they are.” He shrugged. “I don’t need anything more from him, and I don’t want to risk making things between us uncomfortable.”

“You might get a better response than you’re imagining,” Shinya said with a tilt of his head. “Isn’t Christmas a time when miracles happen?”

Die peered at Shinya, wondering how much he knew and how much he was just guessing at. “We’ll see.”

“I’m gonna head home, and I’m pretty sure I’m Toshiya’s ride,” Shinya said then, squeezing Die’s shoulder. “Want me to take some bottles down to the recycling when I go?”

“Oh, sure, that’d be great, thanks,” Die said, standing to help him. When they'd gathered up a bag's worth of bottles from the kitchen counter he handed it off. “Thanks for everything, Shinya, I really appreciate your help tonight.”

Shinya just nodded. “Of course.” With that, he was grabbing Toshiya by the back of his shirt, half dragging him away from his spot in front of the TV, causing him to yelp. “C’mon, Shinya-mobile is leaving now; if you want a ride you’d better get your shoes on.”

“I was winning, you know,” Toshiya pouted, but he scuttled up to his feet and headed with Shinya to the front door, waving back at the others and calling out a thank you to Die.

Die waved back at him, “Goodnight, don’t throw up in Shinya’s car!”

Shinya gave them both a look and rolled his eyes before walking out into the hall and letting Toshiya shut the door behind them.

Only a half a dozen people remained now and Die started moving around the apartment, assessing the damage and starting to gather more of the bottles and cups that had been left behind. He was a bit startled when he almost bumped into Kyo who was standing in front of him, holding a garbage bag open for him to deposit empties into.

“I don’t want to interrupt your game!” Die said, laughing as he put a few empty bottles in the bag.

“Nah, Toshiya left, and, to be completely honest, I may have been losing,” Kyo said with a wry smile. “I left Yakan to put the stuff away.”

“Still, you’re under no obligation to help me clean up.” Die moved behind the couch and discovered where something had been spilled. Grimacing slightly he turned and walked back to the kitchen to get a rag and some carpet cleaner from under the sink.

Kyo just kept following him around with the bag. “I want to. I mean, I don’t mind.”

It was obvious that things had died down and everyone else started getting ready to go pretty quickly. When Yakan was done putting away the game stuff, he found Die cleaning the spill behind the couch and came over to hug him goodnight, saying he’d call him soon so they could get a meal together. Die agreed and thanked him, and Ataru came up a moment later, waving goodbye to Kyo and then giving Die a hug that was slightly awkward given his position on the floor. 

“Merry Christmas! I’ll see you next week?” She asked, standing up and straightening her skirt.

“Yes, yes, and you too!” Die smiled, dropping his rag and getting up to walk her to the door. 

“I sent you a card in the mail, so keep an eye out for it!” She said as she put her shoes and coat on. Then she gave a final wave and left, the apartment now empty but for Die and Kyo.

Die was keenly aware of this fact, feeling the sort of vibration of the air that was always present when Kyo was near him, and without any interference from anyone else’s energy. He tried to settle down the wave of nervousness that washed over him and went back to the cleaning he’d been doing, only to find that Kyo had already finished cleaning up the spot on the carpet and was using another rag to wipe down the end table next to the couch.

“You can go home!” Die said, snatching the rag away from him and taking up his task.

Kyo blinked a little, then laughed. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“No!” Die said, a bit too quickly. “It’s just late, I’m just gonna be cleaning.”

Kyo shrugged and picked up a few more bottles from in front of the TV. “There’s nothing I’d rather be doing at home anyway. Plus, like you said, Christmas is a time to be charitable right?” He gave Die a sideways sort of smile and carried the bottles to the kitchen to empty them into the sink.

Die grinned and gave up arguing, figuring it was always pretty much easiest to let Kyo do as he liked, since he’d find a way to do it anyway. Besides, with the two of them working on it, the tidying was basically done after another twenty minutes, just as the holiday playlist Toshiya had put on earlier in the evening finally ran out of steam. Die collapsed in a tired heap on the couch, the room still washed in the warm red and green glow from the Christmas tree, and closed his eyes.

Kyo tied up a last bag of trash and another bag of recyclables and set them in the corner of the kitchen to be taken down to the dumpsters in the morning, then came to sit on the couch with Die. He was still wearing the ridiculous Santa hat, and seemed in much better spirits than he had at the start of the party.

Die opened his eyes to look over at him, still smiling and warm, the nearness of Kyo having a very physical effect on him. “Thank you. For helping clean up… and for coming tonight at all.”

Kyo smiled back, a soft look on his face that not everyone got to see so often. “My pleasure.” He pulled his feet up to sit cross-legged on the couch, facing Die more. “I am still sorry about what I said yesterday. And for being, I guess, moody, earlier. Thank you for being patient with me.”

Die resisted the urge to laugh as Kyo talked to him so seriously with that hat on his head. “Anytime. I appreciate your willingness to hear me out. Honestly, it means a lot.”

Kyo nodded and looked down at his hands a little, then over at the clock. “It is late. Past midnight, you’d better get to bed so Santa can come.”

“Eh, I’ll go soon,” Die said, waving a hand. 

“And what are you hoping Santa brings you this year?” Kyo asked with a smirk.

Die tilted his head, looking at Kyo. He was here with him, he had taken the time to understand him, and he was happy. What more could Die possibly want? He shook his head, smiling, and reached up to pull the Santa hat off of Kyo, tossing it on the end table. “This is enough. I don’t think I need anything else.” He thought he saw Kyo blush a little, but it was hard to tell in the lights from the tree. He nudged his knee. “What about you then? What do you want for Christmas, Kyo?”

The pause seemed like it lasted an hour, as Kyo stared at Die with a strange, hesitant intensity in his eyes, his lower lip caught between his teeth. Then he moved decisively towards Die, one hand cupping his cheek, and leaned in, kissing him with a strength and a gentleness that Die had never known in a kiss before. It was brief and chaste but still filled with longing and unspoken questions. Kyo pulled back, looking into Die’s eyes, waiting for his response.

Die didn’t let him wait long, pulling him forward onto his lap and kissing him with his own brand of intensity, more ravenous and handsy than Kyo’s, letting his hands run over Kyo’s hips and then slipping them up under his sweater and his shirt. 

Kyo straddled his lap, resting his hands on Die’s shoulders as he kissed him deeply, running his tongue over Die’s soft lips and then pushing inside to explore his mouth eagerly. He gasped a little as Die’s cold hands flitted over his abdomen up to his chest.

Die found one of Kyo’s nipples and just ran his thumb over it gently before taking it between thumb and forefinger and pinching a bit harder. It got a good reaction, Kyo letting out a moan into Die’s mouth and grinding his hips towards him. The corner of Die’s mouth twitched up and he kept up his teasing touches to both Kyo’s nipples, loving the way Kyo dug his nails into Die’s shoulders as he got more worked up. Kyo continued grinding on his lap, and the motion soon had Die hardening under him, his breath hitching as Kyo’s ass pressed down against his arousal.

Kyo broke the kiss to get his sweater and shirt off, but didn’t stop the rolling of his hips, and Die leaned his head back against the back of the couch, letting his hands roam freely over the skin that had just been revealed to him. 

“Christ, Kyo,” he said, pushing his own hips up, letting Kyo feel how much he was affecting him.

Kyo closed his eyes, gripping Die’s shoulders again. “Ohh god, I love how your dick feels pressed up against my ass.”

Die couldn’t help but feel a little bit shocked. Sure, he’d had this fantasy before, but he didn’t think it would actually happen. Yet the way things were going, it certainly _seemed_ like he was about to have sex with Kyo, his friend and bandmate of almost twenty years. He kissed him again, tasting the unique flavor of him, savoring it in case this was some kind of bizarre Christmas fever dream. Then he said a little breathlessly, “You want me to fuck you?”

“Mmm.” Kyo brought one hand up to fist in Die’s hair, not pulling hard. “As amazing as I am absolutely _sure_ your cock would feel filling me up,” he moaned, grinding hard against him again before he opened his eyes and looked at him almost shyly. “I was actually kind of hoping to take you.”

Die swallowed the loud moan that almost escaped him at the very idea of Kyo pounding into him all ruthless and sweaty. “That… sounds good to me, I’m more than okay with that,” he said quickly, panting slightly as he pushed his hips up towards Kyo more insistently.

Kyo smiled at him, and gave him another kiss, biting at his lower lip before shifting off his lap and standing in front of him. “To your bedroom?” He reached out his hand to help Die up from the couch and Die looked down to see the front of Kyo’s jeans was tented out considerably as well.

Die let Kyo help him up and then shrugged his jacket off, leaving it on the couch, before he started down the hall to his bedroom, Kyo following closely. He turned on the lamp on the nightstand and pulled some lube and a condom out of a drawer, tossing them on the bed before he turned to face Kyo, who was leaning against the doorframe, watching him with dark eyes. Die stripped out of his shirt, tossing it on the foot of the bed and then started to undo his belt, shivering slightly at the way Kyo was eyeing him so hungrily. He got his belt open, and the fly of his slacks, and pushed them down with his boxer briefs, kicking everything off to the side and sitting back on the bed naked.

Kyo just looked at him for a moment, his hand reaching down to rub lightly over the crotch of his own jeans before he walked to the bed and pushed Die down on it, crawling between his legs and leaning down to kiss and bite at his neck.

Die immediately spread his legs, tilting his head back and giving Kyo more access to anything he wanted. He tangled one hand in Kyo’s short hair and let the other travel down over his abs to the front of his jeans, groping Kyo’s hard cock, moaning as he thought how it would feel inside him. He hardly noticed Kyo picking up the lube when he suddenly felt a hand moving between his legs and a slick finger sliding into him, and he let out a choked sort of sound.

“Shh, shh,” Kyo whispered against his neck, licking up to his jawline just after. “So tight… Relax for me, ne?”

Die let out a shuddering sigh, finding it incredibly difficult to relax with everything inside him on fire just having Kyo touching him like this, but he settled a little, spreading his legs wider. He moaned yet again as Kyo moved down closer to him and his cock brushed against the vocalist’s abs. 

Kyo pressed soft distracting kisses along his jawline, smiling a bit as he moved his finger in and out before he carefully added the second finger. He shifted around, purposely providing some friction for Die’s cock between them, enjoying the needy little sounds he made under him.

Die finally started getting Kyo’s jeans unfastened, excitement prickling all over him as he got closer to feeling that dick in his hand. He’d seen it enough times, the band sharing public showers and changing rooms over the years, and he’d seen it hard in the confines of Kyo’s pants on stage almost more than he cared to recall, but seeing Kyo out and hard was something he’d only dreamed about, and feeling him throbbing in his hand was something he’d figured would straight-up obviously never happen. He tried to calm himself down a little as he slipped his hand into Kyo’s boxers, touching teasingly, tugging a bit at the hair around the base of his cock.

Kyo groaned low in his throat, momentarily distracted from the scissoring and stretching his fingers were doing inside Die. “Fuck,” he whispered, dropping his forehead to Die’s shoulder.

Die felt a thrill go through him at having Kyo respond to him this way and grew bolder, moving his hand down to massage and squeeze Kyo’s balls. At the same time he pushed his ass up against Kyo’s hand, trying to remind him to focus some.

Kyo let out a quiet gasp, but then remembered himself and started fucking Die with his fingers a bit harder, adding a third finger when he seemed to have adjusted.

“Ohh.” Die shifted his hips just so, moving so that Kyo’s fingers brushed his prostate as they worked in and out of him. He cried out, bucking his hips up suddenly, and finally pulled Kyo’s cock fully out of his pants, stroking it, feeling it achingly rigid in his hand.

“Shit, Die,” Kyo said, nipping at his shoulder for a second. “I need you so bad, I’m so fucking hard. You think you’re ready for me now?”

Die loved hearing Kyo so desperate and nodded eagerly. “Fuck me, Kyo.”

Kyo sat up, pulling his fingers free and wiping them on Die’s abandoned t-shirt before he got up from the bed and removed the rest of his clothing. Die watched as he got the condom open and rolled it onto his cock, lubing himself generously just after, and wiping the excess on the shirt again. Then Kyo crawled back between Die’s legs, lining himself up and then looking at Die with hooded eyes as he pushed all the way into him with a groan.

Die gave a sharp cry as Kyo thrust into him. He didn’t think he’d ever been so full. He quickly got past the sting of it and found immense pleasure in the feeling of Kyo being so totally within him. Relaxing some, he wrapped his legs around Kyo’s hips, bringing him closer. As Kyo started to move, pulling back and thrusting into him slowly at first, Die ran his hands over Kyo’s strong, tattooed arms, shifting his hips up to meet Kyo’s thrusts.

Kyo soon started moving faster, and leaned down to nibble at Die’s ear and suck at a spot on his neck just below that caused the guitarist to whimper slightly. Hooking his hand behind Die’s thigh, Kyo pulled Die’s leg up, adjusting the angle of his thrusts, trying to bring Die that extra bit of pleasure to get him screaming for him.

Only a few thrusts later, Die cried out loudly, arching up from the bed as Kyo’s cock hit that bundle of nerves inside him. He felt Kyo smirking against his neck, but barely registered it, his fists clutching the bedspread, his mind starting to fog up with overwhelming pleasure. Then Kyo’s hand was wrapped around his dick between them, and he threw his head back with a cry of, “FUCK! Kyo, fuck, oh god!”

Kyo ran his thumb through the pre-cum leaking from Die’s cock, and started stroking him out of time with his thrusts, still trying to make sure he hit Die’s prostate every time. “You’re so gorgeous like this I almost just want to keep you right here at the edge,” he said, his voice impressively smooth, considering the effort of his movements. 

Die whined, knowing he wouldn’t last another minute. 

“But I know you want to cum for me, don’t you?”

The words and Kyo’s voice on top of everything was more than too much, and Die let out an almost pained half-scream as he came hard over Kyo’s hand and his own stomach. 

Kyo watched him with a somewhat smug expression on his face, milking him until he finished, barely slowing his thrusts even as Die’s muscles clenched around his cock. His orgasm followed barely a minute later and he buried his face against Die’s shoulder, with a whimpered, “Daisuke—o-ohh, Die!” as he filled the condom between them.

Die closed his eyes, slightly stunned by the feeling of Kyo shuddering and pulsing inside him, that being something he had never even taken the time to imagine. “Jesus, Kyo,” he whispered.

Kyo stayed there another moment, catching his breath, before he pulled out and excused himself to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and get cleaned up.

Die just lay there, still feeling a bit boneless, running a hand absently through the mess on his stomach, trying to get his mind back down to earth and this moment. He might even have dozed off for a few seconds, and when he opened his eyes, he sat up rather abruptly, trying to figure out if any of it had actually happened or if it had been a quite vivid and inappropriate dream. But then he saw what were unmistakably Kyo’s pants on his floor and he relaxed, smiling to himself.

Kyo appeared in the doorway not long after, still naked and looking sort of sleepy and happy. “Your whole apartment smells like you,” he said, and ducked his head. “Maybe that’s a kind of obvious thing to say. But it’s nice.”

Die grinned at him and made some grabby hands to get him to come back to the bed, which he did. “I’m glad you think so,” he said nipping at Kyo’s shoulder once he sat down. He looked at Kyo’s face then, a little nervously. “You’ll stay?”

“As long as you don’t mind,” Kyo said. He pushed some of Die’s hair back from his face and kissed his forehead.

“Of course not. I want you to,” Die said, pulling the covers back so they could both get under them. He paused, looking down at himself. “Oh, I should… probably get cleaned up.”

Kyo smirked. “I kind of like you wearing it.”

Die blushed. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm. And I’m all sleepy now. We can brush our teeth and shower and all that good stuff in the morning, right? We’ll have time. Now I just want you against me.” He lay back and held his arms open for Die to settle into them.

Die turned the lamp off and nestled down into the bed, pressed against Kyo’s warm body, feeling more comfortable than he had in ages. “Did you get everything on your Christmas list then?”

Kyo chuckled. “Maybe not everything, but as long as there’s a next time…”

“Oh, there will be. Not letting you get away that easy,” Die said, pressing himself even closer to Kyo.

“You know what you were telling me before?” Kyo said, his voice already far away and half-asleep. “About Christmas being a time to be close to the ones you love?”

Die squinted in the darkness, trying to make out Kyo’s face. “Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas, Die.”


End file.
